Talk:Aaron Fogle

First Comment - Pavel Borisov

Content

I'm impressed by how forward you are with discussing your facebook profile's portrayal of yourself. You clearly portrayed that you try to shape your facebook profile into a kind of trophy case of successes, and that you restrict who can see which components of your profile. You also mentioned that you strive for a sort of honesty about who you are. These were handled well, but I think you could have gone further on discussing the contrast and clash between a desire for honesty and what can be construed as lying by omission about your history despite your profile giving you built-in tools to do so.

The last paragraph was underdeveloped, however, and coud use some expansion. It was also was the last exception to the consistent flow of your piece, which brings me to the next point.

Writing Quality

Writing Style

The writing doesn't click too well with me for a number reasons, the first being that the writing style was a little long-winded. However, even if the flow as slow, it was mostly smooth and unbroken. Although there are breaks are at the start of the Photo Albums section and at the start of the Social Participation and Influence section, these are handled by titles so it doesn't jar me too much. The spelling and grammar were fine in my opinion.

Formatting

The second issue is that the current use of formatting and media on this page is throwing it off. One example of this is the included image captioned "My profile viewed from a stranger's point of view". It doesn't need to be as large as it is right now, and should be a thumbnail or smaller size instead, ideally included in an identity template. Right now it squashes text into an inconvenient column on any browser window less than 3/4 of my 1680 x 1050 display. The facebook chat screencap is less disruptive and actually fits very nicely into the section it's in. My main problem with it is that its current combination of size and caption does not clearly illustrate what is going on without a clickthrough. This could be remedied by briefly describing what keeping the facebook chat off reflects about you. I know this might be redundant, but it would allow you to keep the current image proportions and neat arrangement without being disruptive.

Summary

Overall, I think you did a good job. The assignment was somewhat unclear so everyone was confused as to exactly what we should be doing.