Talk:Tiffany Luong
Comment #1: (Evan Jon Gennrich)
Hi Tiff, good job with this! You wrote a lot of compelling things that helped me (the reader) understand where your Facebook profile management strategy is coming from. I also like the design of the content, which you broke up nicely using the wiki tools. Here are some of my thoughts on how you could go about making some changes:
The first paragraph is a good intro setting up your perspective, though I'm not so sure about starting off the wiki with two rhetorical questions. I think you can add a certain personal reflection though, like, "Scrolling through the cave of my own Facebook profile I can't help but wondering, What kind of person do I come across as? Is it the real me?
The way you subsection different elements of a Facebook profile is helpful to compartmentalize these different elements. I would make sure that every sentence connects together with the purpose of the paragraph. It would also be nice if you dug deep beyond describing how you use facebook, to whyyyyyyyy' you use it that way. In other words, how does the way you use Facebook relate to your opinions regarding some of the topics introduced in Paul Conway's lectures?
(This sentence, "They can also infer I like to have fun due to going out pictures but also study a lot since I don’t waste them on Facebook," is difficult for me to understand. :-) )
The paragraph that begins, "I know a lot of people like to show off and post pictures...," is my faveorite paragraph. The way you talk about not caring about the way you physically appear in pictures others post of you is emotional and compelling. I might only recommend that you tighten sentences at some instances where your voice comes across as ranting, repetitive, cross, or scornful. (i.e. I don't care. I just don't care. Because I could care less. ect...)
Your conclusion does a good job of wrapping up how you feel. But I'd be particularly interested in you elaborating on the sentence, "When the competitive aspect of wanting to be the hottest, going on the coolest adventures, making the most money, is what drives a person to constantly update their Facebook profile, that creates a huge problem on recognizing what is the sole purpose of life. " What, in your opinion, is the sole purpose of life? How do you think others' unhealthy use of social media inhibits them from realizing the sole purpose? And how have you been able to make progress towards your purpose by limiting the amount of time you spend on social media?
All in all, I think this is a promising first draft, and with some chopping, shaping, and cultivating, you'll be able to put forward really good work by Friday's due date! Good luck!
Hakuna Matata,
Evan Jon :D
Comment #2: (Emily Reitzel)
Overall, I think this first draft was really good! I think it was really helpful for me to judge your authenticity and truthfulness because I have been Facebook friends with you for probably almost 3 years now. I have noticed in the past that you aren't super active in terms of posting your own content or updating pictures, About, etc. only because I find that I myself am much more involved in social media. However you do tend to like posts of others and sometimes comment on them. In this regard, I think you were honest in your writing. I did not know you duding high school so I was never able to experience the pre-2014 Facebook Tiffany as you mention in your section on Profile Pictures but I think it is clear now that you don't care or put as much "effort" into it as you mention later on.
I enjoyed the comparison that you brought up, perhaps unintentionally, between the ease of someone being able to find or stalk you based on your posts/likes which are public on Facebook and the content of the Who I Am section which references other users inferring things about you based on what you DON'T post, or rather that you study a lot because you aren't so active. I give you lots of credit for allowing anything your friends post, etc. on your page. From my own experience as well as reading over the avatars of our classmates - editing and managing everything seems to be a large topics, specifically with the female crowd.
Your conclusion was very thoughtful and I liked that you took a stance and expressed your hopes for others in the future. I am also glad that you figured out how you want to use social media in your life and were able to express how that usage has been beneficial to shaping who you are as a person today.
As far as edits go, I would maybe just consider going back to do a quick grammar check. They was nothing egregious but some little parts stood out as odd sounding to me (i.e. "All the pictures that is currently on Facebook now are..." in the What I Care About Section). It might be helpful to just go back through and check that out. I also think your post could have al little more personality. While it seems honest it also came off as very straight forward and professional. This is totally acceptable, I just think it would add some character or a little bit more of yourself into it as this is such an individual-based assignment.
Other than thought, I liked reading this and thought you did a good job!
