Difference between revisions of "Talk:Fahrawn Gill"
(Created page with "'''Hannah Foster''' Hi Fahrawn! You've done a nice job looking into your online identity, there's a lot to find about you online! You might consider expanding on your finding...") |
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I do think you have a well developed voice, this is easy to read and well organized. | I do think you have a well developed voice, this is easy to read and well organized. | ||
Overall, nice job -- I would just suggest some more analysis/reflection throughout the piece! | Overall, nice job -- I would just suggest some more analysis/reflection throughout the piece! | ||
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| + | == Shannon Kenny comments == | ||
| + | Hi, Fahrawn. I liked the personal info you shared about your high school self, it is fun to read. I would suggest focusing more on about how you found incorrect information on yourself, instead of just brushing over it. I almost didn't register that fact when I was reading. | ||
| + | In your '''intro''' I might fix just one repetitive word "such" and consider breaking up the second to last sentence which is very long. Doing this might also make the end of your intro more impactful and engaging! | ||
| + | In your '''google search''' section I would fix the repetitive word "further" and overall in each of your sections it would be nice to see more indication on how you feel about each of these findings. Were you surprised at all? If yes, what did you expect and how was it different? | ||
| + | Good job! | ||
Latest revision as of 22:09, 20 February 2019
Hannah Foster Hi Fahrawn! You've done a nice job looking into your online identity, there's a lot to find about you online! You might consider expanding on your findings in your writing -- you list them all but you don't provide much context or detail, and that's the stuff that helps you create a theme for your reader! For example, you list your past internships and your past presentations as some things that make up your online identity, but what do these things really say about you? What kind of picture do you think these items paint for someone searching you online? Do they fit in with the identity you have created for yourself in real life? What about the identity you've made online? You have some nice analysis in your last section but I think it would benefit you to put some analysis in each section, this way you can build on a theme. Similarly, I see that you have some references but you don't cite very much in your actual writing. Citing will both help you build and justify your theme! I do think you have a well developed voice, this is easy to read and well organized. Overall, nice job -- I would just suggest some more analysis/reflection throughout the piece!
Shannon Kenny comments
Hi, Fahrawn. I liked the personal info you shared about your high school self, it is fun to read. I would suggest focusing more on about how you found incorrect information on yourself, instead of just brushing over it. I almost didn't register that fact when I was reading. In your intro I might fix just one repetitive word "such" and consider breaking up the second to last sentence which is very long. Doing this might also make the end of your intro more impactful and engaging! In your google search section I would fix the repetitive word "further" and overall in each of your sections it would be nice to see more indication on how you feel about each of these findings. Were you surprised at all? If yes, what did you expect and how was it different? Good job!
