Difference between revisions of "Talk:Allan Chen"

Latest revision as of 16:42, 1 April 2016

Comment #1:

Hey Allan,

Be prepared for feedback~! I will try my best, it will be in chronological order as I read it. First impressions are that I really like your profile infobox! It is nice and the caption is hilarious. Your introduction paragraph is very refreshing and introduces the concern about ethics in Facebook profiles.

The Beginnings screenshot is something that reminds me of my past as well. The introduction to your analysis on Facebook allows for an easy read that users can enjoy. This sentiment goes for the Intervention part of your page as well.

"Who Am I Now?" was something I was surprisingly pleased with. You explicitly tied in the themes within each subsection. I can see that there is a driving theme of authenticity and reservation in what you post and do on Facebook. Self-representation is also a big part of your writing, perhaps dive more into your intentions per subsection? You can add more substance within the subsections if you tie some of the themes from the Virtually Me reading rather than put it under your conclusion section. I prefer the conclusion be the conclusion of the article rather than the analysis on the reasons why you did your actions. Perhaps you could change the section from "Conclusions" to "Analysis" if you do not want to add more reasoning and detail in the "Who Am I Now?"

The autobiography is structured more as a research paper than a writing. Try to create a story like how you did the Beginnings and Intervention sections! It was genuinely a wonderful read as it shows your cheekiness, explicit ties to the themes and readings, and because of the visuals. Let me know if you need any details or clarifications on my comment/feedback, I am more than happy to oblige.

Best, Cecilia

Comment #2: Allan, I like the way you start your avatar off. I think right off of the bat you set the tone for your piece when you pose the question "Is Facebook Allan genuinely Allan?", and you do a good job of sticking to this theme throughout the piece. That being said, I think you can do a bit more with the "Who am I now?" section. I think showing the sort of timeline updates you do post now could be useful. This can show the reader how you are actively trying to portray yourself better than just saying that you have been trying to build a perfect image of yourself. Furthermore, what do all of these attempts to only show one side of yourself say about your real life self? what sort of things don't you post about that you think might be a big part of who you are? I think the way you have set up the piece might allow to introduce a lot of counter-examples from your true self to your facebook self in order to show the readers who you really are.

Another thing i think that this piece could benefit from might be to take the ideas that you have put in your conclusion section and weave them into some of your more sparse sections. Content wise, the conclusion section is almost as large as the rest of the piece. I think everything you wrote in the conclusion section is spot on, and really connects to the theme of your writing well. I just think there are ways in which you could integrate these ideas into the other sections of your biography.

Overall, you have done some really good work on connecting your facebook profile and actions on facebook to ethical themes. With a few more examples, and maybe a little re-structuring, this piece will end up telling a really interesting story. Best, Brendan Paul