Difference between revisions of "Talk:Emily Wang"
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===Content=== | ===Content=== | ||
| + | Including early internet presence is a good idea that I wish I had included in my own avatar page, and I like how the section clearly outlines privacy as a concern for you. Overall the content is a bit clinical and matter-of-fact. I think that there is room for improvement in discussing how the different profile components reflect your values as well as your relationship with your profile. I would especially elaborate further on why and how your portrayal on Facebook is true to yourself. However, I also believe that the current state of the content functions well as a statement that confirms what you've described about yourself as carefully limiting what information about yourself you put online to the factual and professional, even to those who you may be acquaintances or friends with. | ||
===Writing Quality=== | ===Writing Quality=== | ||
===Formatting=== | ===Formatting=== | ||
| − | I do not get the impression that the illustrations help present the profile well. The Audem Designs one is very clear at displaying your company as something part of your identity, | + | I do not get the impression that the illustrations help present the profile well. The Audem Designs one is very clear at displaying your company as something part of your identity, but I feel like it would have best accompanied discussion about much you separate or intertwine your main profile with Audem information. On the whole, the visuals used do not further points of discussion very well. This is partly due to the lack of content, but they could be tied in better. |
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===Style=== | ===Style=== | ||
| − | + | Spelling is fine. The writing style goes beyond neat and instead edges into being overly sparse and clinical. You may want to consider omitting the birthdate in the first paragraph as it is already in the info template on the right, while still adding additional content. The captions on the illustrations can be used to better convey information about your profile and tie them into the discussion. | |
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| + | ===Summary=== | ||
| + | Given the confusion surrounding the assignment, I think that this was good. However, I think there is definitely room for improvement in both the style and content. | ||
Revision as of 22:04, 21 November 2012
Contents
First Comment - Pavel Borisov
Content
Including early internet presence is a good idea that I wish I had included in my own avatar page, and I like how the section clearly outlines privacy as a concern for you. Overall the content is a bit clinical and matter-of-fact. I think that there is room for improvement in discussing how the different profile components reflect your values as well as your relationship with your profile. I would especially elaborate further on why and how your portrayal on Facebook is true to yourself. However, I also believe that the current state of the content functions well as a statement that confirms what you've described about yourself as carefully limiting what information about yourself you put online to the factual and professional, even to those who you may be acquaintances or friends with.
Writing Quality
Formatting
I do not get the impression that the illustrations help present the profile well. The Audem Designs one is very clear at displaying your company as something part of your identity, but I feel like it would have best accompanied discussion about much you separate or intertwine your main profile with Audem information. On the whole, the visuals used do not further points of discussion very well. This is partly due to the lack of content, but they could be tied in better.
Style
Spelling is fine. The writing style goes beyond neat and instead edges into being overly sparse and clinical. You may want to consider omitting the birthdate in the first paragraph as it is already in the info template on the right, while still adding additional content. The captions on the illustrations can be used to better convey information about your profile and tie them into the discussion.
Summary
Given the confusion surrounding the assignment, I think that this was good. However, I think there is definitely room for improvement in both the style and content.
