Difference between revisions of "Talk:Jordan VanderZwaag"

Revision as of 11:54, 21 November 2012

Hi Jordan,

After looking through a bunch of autobiography posts to comment on that all seemed quite similar, it was refreshing to check out a post written in third person. So first off, I commend you for an original effort. You stuck to your style that you started with, and because of your consistent tone, the statement was fun to read easy to comprehend. I enjoyed the way it was written as a story rather than a standard essay – it allowed a look into your view on “Facebook stalking” as well as offering some suspense. Along those lines, your inclusion of photos to match the storytelling made it seem as though I was navigating through your page. The statement was simply written which proved to be very effective. Grammatically, I noticed one small error – “posts his friends” (6th paragraph) – that was extremely minor.

The statement flowed well, especially once I realized that you were writing about authenticity, specifically the fact that you believe your Facebook page is a strong reflection of your identity. Although you did not pinpoint a specific aspect of your profile to focus on, I felt that a third person essay should not have – so, well done. I liked how you kept consistent to the parallel of meeting someone to that of reflecting on your own authentic identity. To critique a bit, I thought you should have went a bit more in depth about secondary posts, as you only included the example of your friend’s wall post. You made it seem as though secondary posts dominated your wall, but only briefly elaborated on such. Also, you did not mention any real type of ethical questions. Although it would be difficult and potentially awkward to break from tone, it would have been valuable to get ethical points across. I was trying to see if it was ethical questions were implied somewhere in the story, but had trouble finding such. A final suggestion: I would have liked if you potentially threw in another stalker’s point of view – or at least mentioned such an idea – as I feel there are many possibilities to go about stalking someone, which can lead to different directions in interpreting identity.

Best,

Alex.

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Hey Jordan,

Overall, your analysis seemed to be very accurate in describing how your Facebook depicted yourself. It was different from other people’s analyses in that you talked from the perspective of someone meeting yourself, and it actually helped me follow through pretty easily. The analysis is very detailed in that you bring up many examples of posts and information on your timeline. Most of the analysis is very in depth, especially the part explaining how there was no alcohol in the pictures where you went on a trip, thus meaning that you censor yourself and your online identity. The tone that you use throughout this breakdown makes for an easy to understand read for the reader, but still is able to get your points across. You bring about topics such as "A Whale's Vagina" and other such topics that might not be appropriate for a class, but they definitely help in clarifying your main points.

One of the first things that came to my mind was that this media wiki site did not have any sections differentiating different topics. Although they are not necessary, it would greatly help the reader navigate from topic to topic easily. However, even though there were no sections, specifically a conclusion section, you did a good job of closing out your analysis. I also applaud you on being able to take a different approach to this assignment and still getting the job done. It could have been a risky way to go about the assignment but I think you nailed it. You say that your profile is a good representation of who you are, and you back it up with multiple examples and pictures. Great job!

-Philip