Difference between revisions of "Talk:David Clarke"
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Overall I believe that you definitely spent some time pouring your thoughts into this assignment. Here are the things I enjoyed about your post: <br /> | Overall I believe that you definitely spent some time pouring your thoughts into this assignment. Here are the things I enjoyed about your post: <br /> | ||
| − | 1. The genuineness of your post was easily evident in the topics you discussed. It's not everyday that people disclose the truth behind posting self portraits as well as topless photos. <br /> | + | '''1'''. The genuineness of your post was easily evident in the topics you discussed. It's not everyday that people disclose the truth behind posting self portraits as well as topless photos. <br /> |
| − | 2. You provided an adequate amount of photos to help readers grasp a better idea of what you're referencing.<br /> | + | '''2'''. You provided an adequate amount of photos to help readers grasp a better idea of what you're referencing.<br /> |
| − | 3. You used a very nice template for the portrait at the top-right!<br /> | + | '''3'''. You used a very nice template for the portrait at the top-right!<br /> |
Great job! However, here are some things I think you can improve on:<br /> | Great job! However, here are some things I think you can improve on:<br /> | ||
| − | 1. After having read your post, it seemed to me that you focused on the theme of Authenticity of your profile. Perhaps you can clearly state this towards the beginning of your article/post to help readers grasp a better understanding before diving into the individual analysis.<br /> | + | '''1'''. After having read your post, it seemed to me that you focused on the theme of Authenticity of your profile. Perhaps you can clearly state this towards the beginning of your article/post to help readers grasp a better understanding before diving into the individual analysis.<br /> |
| − | 2. Most of your discussions were very in-depth, you provided strong evidence. However, you can improve the quality of your discussions by including 'why' into the equation. You talk a lot about how people may view you differently had you not approved certain photos, you can improve your analysis by including the reason why you don't approve photos. Building off this, you can also talk about how your choices of revealing and/or hiding certain elements of your profile has made your profile more or less 'authentic'. You can even talk about your thought process behind making the choices of making the choices that you made. <br /> | + | '''2'''. Most of your discussions were very in-depth, you provided strong evidence. However, you can improve the quality of your discussions by including 'why' into the equation. You talk a lot about how people may view you differently had you not approved certain photos, you can improve your analysis by including the reason why you don't approve photos. Building off this, you can also talk about how your choices of revealing and/or hiding certain elements of your profile has made your profile more or less 'authentic'. You can even talk about your thought process behind making the choices of making the choices that you made. <br /> |
| − | 2.5. Try going more in-depth with relating how these elements affect/influence the authenticity of your Facebook identity.<br /> | + | '''2.5'''. Try going more in-depth with relating how these elements affect/influence the authenticity of your Facebook identity.<br /> |
| − | 3. The last part of your post was particularly interesting, you attempted to tie everything together, this section could be improved by making the connection of how your Facebook identity reveals more feminism when you don't wish for it to. You stated the manner in which you wished for people to perceive you and provided how people did. Take some time and think of more detailed reason as to why people might hold a 'feminism' view towards your facebook identity - what and/or how do these elements play into this? Is it JUST because of cheer(Do their judgment extend onto any more conspicuous details? Are there other possible invoked opinions?<br /> | + | '''3'''. The last part of your post was particularly interesting, you attempted to tie everything together, this section could be improved by making the connection of how your Facebook identity reveals more feminism when you don't wish for it to. You stated the manner in which you wished for people to perceive you and provided how people did. Take some time and think of more detailed reason as to why people might hold a 'feminism' view towards your facebook identity - what and/or how do these elements play into this? Is it JUST because of cheer(Do their judgment extend onto any more conspicuous details? Are there other possible invoked opinions?<br /> |
| − | 4. You can try concluding or talk about how your efforts in trying to keep your Facebook identity up-to-date differs from the true outcome. Is it authentic? Do you feel that your measures in keeping it up to date is affected by your efforts of filtering out more obnoxious pictures(social pictures)?<br /> | + | '''4'''. You can try concluding or talk about how your efforts in trying to keep your Facebook identity up-to-date differs from the true outcome. Is it authentic? Do you feel that your measures in keeping it up to date is affected by your efforts of filtering out more obnoxious pictures(social pictures)?<br /> |
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Wenbo | Wenbo | ||
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| + | ==Second Comment - Jeremy Kaplan== | ||
| + | David, | ||
| + | |||
| + | I really liked how upfront and honest you were in this assignment. You made it easy to read and all of your ideas were well connected. | ||
| + | You talk about how you are represented differently on Facebook because of the disproportion of self and shirtless pictures. You also say that most of your pictures are uploaded by you and you reject others' tags. So that makes me wonder, if you're the one adding the vast majority of the pictures, why don't you make your profile represent your true self. If you think having too many shirtless photos makes you seem stuck up, then why don't you post less? Maybe because you don't care how others view you on Facebook? This could be explained more. | ||
| + | |||
| + | You mention that you give information such as your major, job, and hometown on your Facebook page. What does this show about your self to your Facebook friends? I think you should explain there why that makes your profile more authentic. Throughout the assignment you mention specific factors that give good or bad representations of you, I think you should again talk about how each of these affects your authenticity. | ||
| + | |||
| + | I like that the conclusion gives a summary of your earlier points. It makes me wonder what you could do to make your Facebook more authentic. If you want to show more pictures of your life aside from cheerleading, then why don't you post more? Is it because of recruiters? Family? Or another reason? | ||
| + | |||
| + | I think you did a great job with this assignment. You used the photo illustrations excellently in that they were very relevant to your writing and they helped give the reader an idea of your profile. | ||
| + | |||
| + | -Jeremy Kaplan | ||
Latest revision as of 01:19, 20 November 2012
First Feedback - Hanwenbo Yang
Hi David,
Overall I believe that you definitely spent some time pouring your thoughts into this assignment. Here are the things I enjoyed about your post:
1. The genuineness of your post was easily evident in the topics you discussed. It's not everyday that people disclose the truth behind posting self portraits as well as topless photos.
2. You provided an adequate amount of photos to help readers grasp a better idea of what you're referencing.
3. You used a very nice template for the portrait at the top-right!
Great job! However, here are some things I think you can improve on:
1. After having read your post, it seemed to me that you focused on the theme of Authenticity of your profile. Perhaps you can clearly state this towards the beginning of your article/post to help readers grasp a better understanding before diving into the individual analysis.
2. Most of your discussions were very in-depth, you provided strong evidence. However, you can improve the quality of your discussions by including 'why' into the equation. You talk a lot about how people may view you differently had you not approved certain photos, you can improve your analysis by including the reason why you don't approve photos. Building off this, you can also talk about how your choices of revealing and/or hiding certain elements of your profile has made your profile more or less 'authentic'. You can even talk about your thought process behind making the choices of making the choices that you made.
2.5. Try going more in-depth with relating how these elements affect/influence the authenticity of your Facebook identity.
3. The last part of your post was particularly interesting, you attempted to tie everything together, this section could be improved by making the connection of how your Facebook identity reveals more feminism when you don't wish for it to. You stated the manner in which you wished for people to perceive you and provided how people did. Take some time and think of more detailed reason as to why people might hold a 'feminism' view towards your facebook identity - what and/or how do these elements play into this? Is it JUST because of cheer(Do their judgment extend onto any more conspicuous details? Are there other possible invoked opinions?
4. You can try concluding or talk about how your efforts in trying to keep your Facebook identity up-to-date differs from the true outcome. Is it authentic? Do you feel that your measures in keeping it up to date is affected by your efforts of filtering out more obnoxious pictures(social pictures)?
Overall, this post was well done! The flow was decent and the genuineness stood out to me! I hope you find these comments to be helpful!
Wenbo
Second Comment - Jeremy Kaplan
David,
I really liked how upfront and honest you were in this assignment. You made it easy to read and all of your ideas were well connected. You talk about how you are represented differently on Facebook because of the disproportion of self and shirtless pictures. You also say that most of your pictures are uploaded by you and you reject others' tags. So that makes me wonder, if you're the one adding the vast majority of the pictures, why don't you make your profile represent your true self. If you think having too many shirtless photos makes you seem stuck up, then why don't you post less? Maybe because you don't care how others view you on Facebook? This could be explained more.
You mention that you give information such as your major, job, and hometown on your Facebook page. What does this show about your self to your Facebook friends? I think you should explain there why that makes your profile more authentic. Throughout the assignment you mention specific factors that give good or bad representations of you, I think you should again talk about how each of these affects your authenticity.
I like that the conclusion gives a summary of your earlier points. It makes me wonder what you could do to make your Facebook more authentic. If you want to show more pictures of your life aside from cheerleading, then why don't you post more? Is it because of recruiters? Family? Or another reason?
I think you did a great job with this assignment. You used the photo illustrations excellently in that they were very relevant to your writing and they helped give the reader an idea of your profile.
-Jeremy Kaplan
