Difference between revisions of "Talk:Asif Sheikh"

Latest revision as of 13:01, 20 November 2012

Second Feedback - Aaron Medacco

Your post seems very genuine and you appear to be very aware of how Facebook represents you. I like that you highlight how your more recent additions may not be exactly who you are and how the "douchey" picture could mislead people. I wish you had created a separate section in your "My Profile" heading for your wall because I think you included some good examples of how you are represented by your friends' wall posts and their editing of your profile. For instance, you mention that your best friends and 2 neighbors are active on your profile and posts messages immediately relevant to your life right now which I think should be featured. Creating a separate group for "family" shows you are aware that Facebook pictures/status might not be a reflection of you or might not reflect you ways you want specific people to see.

The style of your post is easy to read, in my opinion. It's first-person and conversation-like which makes it personal. I think some improvements to the flow are in order. Specifically, the last section is a pretty big wall of text. There's some statements you make in the last section that I think would be more appropriate in the "My Profile" section where you can describe whether or not you think each element of Facebook that you use describes you accurately. There's also the empty captioned photos which may mean this is just a work in progress and that you will add captions later. Still, this was easy to read and I like the tone.

Aaron Medacco

First Feedback - Hanwenbo Yang

Hi Asif,

Here are some things I really liked about your post:
1. From your text, it seemed like you did not hesitate to reveal the truth behind some aspects of your Facebook identity, even knowing that others may judge you after finding out. I appreciate the overall genuineness of your post.
2. I believe the analysis of certain elements of your Facebook identity was done very thoroughly. For instance, the fact that people associate your online activity to your real life. People may think of others as a 'douche' but in fact, this is false in real life. I really enjoyed that.
3. Your analysis of embodiment was made very clear. You did an exceptional of integrating your Facebook identity into discussing the loss of embodiment.
4. The truthful chronological introduction of how you became familiar with Facebook provided a good transition into your Avatar write-up.
5. There were minimal grammar mistakes and the overall flow of the article was solid. With the exception of the large chunk of text!

You made very detailed analysis of your Facebook identity. I found some of the points you posed to be very relatable. However, here are some improvements you can make:
1. The screenshot of your Facebook page has some unfilled information. The date simply says "date", Birthnam says 'birth name' You may be in the process of a redo; the bottom of the page is missing information for the 'Accurate representation?' and 'Privacy' sections.
2. Include more pictures! For instance, when you disclose information on how certain 'douchy' comments receive more attention/likes, try posting a screenshot of you making such comments and receiving a lot of likes.
3. Try breaking your large paragraph-chunk into smaller chunks. This would improve the readability of your article!
4. I really enjoyed the point brought up about how it's uncertain whether people like your post because they truly like it or because they find it to be simply funny. Here you can perhaps juxtapose this between two examples of when you observed this. You can even try posting screenshots of two different situations when you noticed differences and compare them.
5. towards the end of your post, it was made very clear that you were very focused on the theme of 'loss of embodiment'. The clarity and strength of your article/post can be drastically improved if you were to move this to the beginning of your post. This way, others can read/comprehend what you've posted with the prior knowledge that you are relating these experiences to the 'loss of embodiment'.
5.5. At the very very end, you post a question of whether Facebook is an accurate representation of your real being. Then you state that 'maybe it's both'. You should put this towards the beginning! (I realized that this may be a misunderstanding, and that you were trying to redo this part...?)

Anyhow, Good work! And I hope these comments help!

Hanwenbo Yang