Difference between revisions of "Talk:Jared Cutlip"
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| − | While I understood your main points and it was interesting to read, there are a couple of things I had problems with. First, this reflection needs to be proofread. I noticed several mechanical and grammatical mistakes that makes it tough for the reader to follow without getting distracted. These types of revisions are really easy to do and will make your reflection sound much more fluid to the reader. I can relate to the outside source you used, as I have read that same poem many times. It was an interesting source to use, but unfortunately I don't feel like it added that much. You mention it briefly in the opening, but don't refer back to it until the very end. I feel that if you went into a little more depth with your outside source you would have been able to really tie it in with your reflection, rather than just saying, "...this poem puts meaning to that statement." I also felt like you could have used more reflection in the first part where you talk about the self-portrait avatar. I really liked the part when you talk about how one reason you weren't able to obtain an accurate representation of yourself in the self-portrait was because you, like everyone else, are not perfect. There are no options to add imperfections, so to speak, so regardless of the choices you made the avatar was going to be a more perfect depiction of yourself. This was definitely an interesting point to touch upon. Having said that, I think you could have gone into more detail in the reflection of your fantasy avatar. Why did you immediately realize that you wanted it to be in uniform? Do you have a desire to go into the military? Why did you want the fantasy avatar to embody a perfect military man? I think a little reflection on these points could have gone a long way. Lastly, I was a bit confused as to what you were trying to say with the purple eye color. I understand that you value eyes as an important aspect of the face, but the part where you spoke about genetically engineering eye color was random and didn't really tie in to anything. Nonetheless, I enjoyed reading your reflection. | + | While I understood your main points and it was interesting to read, there are a couple of things I had problems with. First, this reflection needs to be proofread. I noticed several mechanical and grammatical mistakes that makes it tough for the reader to follow without getting distracted. These types of revisions are really easy to do and will make your reflection sound much more fluid to the reader. I can relate to the outside source you used, as I have read that same poem many times. It was an interesting source to use, but unfortunately I don't feel like it added that much. You mention it briefly in the opening, but don't refer back to it until the very end. I feel that if you went into a little more depth with your outside source you would have been able to really tie it in with your reflection, rather than just saying, "...this poem puts meaning to that statement." I also felt like you could have used more reflection in the first part where you talk about the self-portrait avatar. You did not elaborate on the choices you made as much as you could have. I really liked the part when you talk about how one reason you weren't able to obtain an accurate representation of yourself in the self-portrait was because you, like everyone else, are not perfect. There are no options to add imperfections, so to speak, so regardless of the choices you made the avatar was going to be a more perfect depiction of yourself. This was definitely an interesting point to touch upon. Having said that, I think you could have gone into more detail in the reflection of your fantasy avatar. Why did you immediately realize that you wanted it to be in uniform? Do you have a desire to go into the military? Why did you want the fantasy avatar to embody a perfect military man? I think a little reflection on these points could have gone a long way. Lastly, I was a bit confused as to what you were trying to say with the purple eye color. I understand that you value eyes as an important aspect of the face, but the part where you spoke about genetically engineering eye color was random and didn't really tie in to anything. Nonetheless, I enjoyed reading your reflection. |
Revision as of 19:37, 13 November 2011
While I understood your main points and it was interesting to read, there are a couple of things I had problems with. First, this reflection needs to be proofread. I noticed several mechanical and grammatical mistakes that makes it tough for the reader to follow without getting distracted. These types of revisions are really easy to do and will make your reflection sound much more fluid to the reader. I can relate to the outside source you used, as I have read that same poem many times. It was an interesting source to use, but unfortunately I don't feel like it added that much. You mention it briefly in the opening, but don't refer back to it until the very end. I feel that if you went into a little more depth with your outside source you would have been able to really tie it in with your reflection, rather than just saying, "...this poem puts meaning to that statement." I also felt like you could have used more reflection in the first part where you talk about the self-portrait avatar. You did not elaborate on the choices you made as much as you could have. I really liked the part when you talk about how one reason you weren't able to obtain an accurate representation of yourself in the self-portrait was because you, like everyone else, are not perfect. There are no options to add imperfections, so to speak, so regardless of the choices you made the avatar was going to be a more perfect depiction of yourself. This was definitely an interesting point to touch upon. Having said that, I think you could have gone into more detail in the reflection of your fantasy avatar. Why did you immediately realize that you wanted it to be in uniform? Do you have a desire to go into the military? Why did you want the fantasy avatar to embody a perfect military man? I think a little reflection on these points could have gone a long way. Lastly, I was a bit confused as to what you were trying to say with the purple eye color. I understand that you value eyes as an important aspect of the face, but the part where you spoke about genetically engineering eye color was random and didn't really tie in to anything. Nonetheless, I enjoyed reading your reflection.
