Difference between revisions of "Talk:Jared Cutlip"
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| − | While I understood your main points and it was interesting to read, there are a couple of things I had problems with. First, this reflection needs to be proofread pretty badly. I noticed several mechanical and grammatical mistakes that makes it tough for the reader to follow without getting distracted. These types of revisions are really easy to do and will make your reflection sound much more fluid to the reader. I can relate to the outside source you used, as I have read that same poem many times. It was an interesting source to use, but unfortunately I don't feel like it added that much. You mention it briefly in the opening, but don't refer back to it until the very end. I feel that if you went into a little more depth with your outside source you would have been able to really tie it in with your reflection, rather than just saying, "...this poem puts meaning to that statement." | + | While I understood your main points and it was interesting to read, there are a couple of things I had problems with. First, this reflection needs to be proofread pretty badly. I noticed several mechanical and grammatical mistakes that makes it tough for the reader to follow without getting distracted. These types of revisions are really easy to do and will make your reflection sound much more fluid to the reader. I can relate to the outside source you used, as I have read that same poem many times. It was an interesting source to use, but unfortunately I don't feel like it added that much. You mention it briefly in the opening, but don't refer back to it until the very end. I feel that if you went into a little more depth with your outside source you would have been able to really tie it in with your reflection, rather than just saying, "...this poem puts meaning to that statement." I also felt like you could have used more reflection in the first part where you talk about the self-portrait avatar. |
Revision as of 19:13, 13 November 2011
While I understood your main points and it was interesting to read, there are a couple of things I had problems with. First, this reflection needs to be proofread pretty badly. I noticed several mechanical and grammatical mistakes that makes it tough for the reader to follow without getting distracted. These types of revisions are really easy to do and will make your reflection sound much more fluid to the reader. I can relate to the outside source you used, as I have read that same poem many times. It was an interesting source to use, but unfortunately I don't feel like it added that much. You mention it briefly in the opening, but don't refer back to it until the very end. I feel that if you went into a little more depth with your outside source you would have been able to really tie it in with your reflection, rather than just saying, "...this poem puts meaning to that statement." I also felt like you could have used more reflection in the first part where you talk about the self-portrait avatar.
