Talk:Uyghur Genocide

Length: This is a great start so far, and I can already get a good idea of what the Uyghur Genocide is. The article was only ~1,800 words; however, I see where you left certain sections blank and imagine you will be able to make the article closer to 3,000 after revisions.

Structure: In terms of the content itself, the opening paragraph (section before ‘Background’) does a nice job of explaining what the genocide is, who is both the victims and perpretators, and what exactly the behavior happening is. I thought you could have expanded a little more on the surveillance technologies as it seems like this is the main ethical issue. You go into greater detail later on, but this felt a little too brief for the introduction. On the contrary, the small blurb about varying international response is just enough since you go into greater depth at the end of the article.

I can tell your body was broken down into background, people’s war on terror, and international response, and this makes sense given the three paragraphs you touched on in your opening section. I was slightly confused about the “People’s War on Terror” because it seemed like this was an important key term to know, but it wasn’t mentioned in the beginning. I would either mention ‘People’s War on Terror’ explicitly at the start, or I would change this title to something like “Ethical Concerns” or “Surveillance Technologies.” For the background section, I would add a little more context between the 1949 Communist party installation and then talking about the Great Leap Forward and Cultural Revolution. I know it’s the background section, but it also could have been nice to have a section about 2009-now. The title “Uyghur Muslims and China (1911 - 2009)” makes me think that this might not be an issue anymore; however, your international response section implies that this is still occurring. You spend quite a bit of time talking about the international response, which is great, but it seems like this takes up more of the article than the actual issue itself. When you add in another 1,000 words or so, I would focus on adding more to the sections about the government’s history as well as the surveillance technology itself.

Some of the references got a little jumbled, so I would go through and make sure each reference corresponds to the correct source. For example, you have multiple “1” references, which is a little confusing to navigate. From a visual standpoint, I also think you could add in images throughout the article to help with comprehension and break up some of the text. For example, it may be beneficial to show where exactly the Xinjiang region is on a map. If not too graphic, you could also include some pictures of what this surveillance technology looks like.

Clarity: You did a nice job of introducing both the overall issue of the Uyghur Genocide itself as well as the ethical issue of surveillance technologies right away in the opening section. Later on, in the “People’s War on Terror” section, it’s clear that this is an important issue. Although the ethical issues section is shorter than some of the other sections, I think adding in the section on Internment Camps will help make the issue more clear and detailed as well.

Objective reporting: Also while explaining the issue, you remained neutral throughout the entire article and not stating your own opinions. I especially liked when you said “If flagged individuals want to avoid detention, they are encouraged to stay at home, giving them no choices to clear their name or gain further autonomy,” because this really reinforced the severity of the situation without stating your own opinion. I also thought you did a good job of not using any of the Wikipedia words to watch (on the rubric); this helped maintain an objective tone throughout.

Let me know if you have any questions or want more specific feedback! Courtney Fortin / fortinco