Talk:MyFitnessPal
Length: The article is short on the requirement of about 3,000 words. However, there are sections in the article that are on the page but have not been typed out yet. In finishing these sections, the article will get closer to the 3,000 word target. Since there are so many different health and food trackers in today’s world, I think a section about competitors could help you get a lot closer to the word limit as well. A couple of ideas that can be used that I didn’t see mentioned in the other sections are Fitbits or Apple Watches. Both of these devices track users’ health data to help them reach their fitness goals. Overall, I think this is a really interesting topic that can cover a lot of information so I am sure the word count will be reached.
Structure: The article lists all three components (opening, body, and references), however, only the opening paragraph is fully complete. I thought the opening paragraph does a really good job at setting up what My Fitness Pal is (as someone who did not know what it was before reading this article). To improve, there could be a couple pictures alongside the text so that the reader can also picture what the user interface of the app looks like (and how the barcode scanning comes into play). The paragraph can also include what the user sees on their dashboard every time they open up the app so the reader can understand how a user is tracked. Since the body paragraph is not completed, my advice is to be as descriptive as possible and show pictures when necessary to help readers who are not as familiar with the app. I saw that the references were not listed yet; I would try to implement them sooner rather than later because it may be hard to organize which pieces of information went with what citation, which could take a lot of unnecessary time. Overall, the structure of the article seems very logical, now it is just inserting all of the information about the topic.
Clarity: Even though the article is not fully complete, the issues at stake are pretty clear. One issue is that My Fitness Pal has created its platform under the assumption that everyone has a healthy relationship with food; it does not meet the needs of users who struggle with body image and eating disorders. A good idea could be to include specific stories and research that show the harm the app can do. I think the background information sets up well for introducing this issue. It seems that another ethical concern with My Fitness Pal is that it reports inaccurate data. The “How it works” section will be a big part of highlighting the type of data that is measured within the app so the reader can understand the inaccuracy behind it. As these are major ethical concerns, I think the article does a good job at highlighting the importance of them.
Objective Reporting: The article does a pretty good job at staying objective and not reporting personal opinions. However, in the “Users” section, there is language that is used that may be interpreted as an argument (there is no citation with it either to back it up). The sentence claims how the company did not adequately design the app to be informed by all experiences and interests. While this is most likely true, it is important to keep a neutral point of view in your tone; the sentence could include at the beginning “Researchers suggest that…” This way it does not seem like it is your opinion, rather it is a scientific conclusion. It is sentences like that to be careful of when writing and editing the rest of the paper. I think they are strong and valid arguments; it is the hard part of keeping the neutral tone. If there is any response from My Fitness Pal about these concerns, these could help balance out the sides as well. However, I think these are really good points that highlight the ethical concerns behind the app.
