Talk:Jamie Leeds

Hannah Cooper: This was a very interesting post! I thought your thesis was unique and I enjoyed seeing all three of the platforms that you chose. The introduction caught my attention, saying that you have always been struggling to figure out who you are, as all of us always are. I do think, though, that by analyzing all three, you do not go as in depth as needed sometimes. In the Facebook paragraph, for example, the last sentence says that you do not think you are your authentic self on this social media platform, but since it is only the last sentence, it seems like an after thought. You elaborate a lot more on how you have changed online than if you are authentic. Also, I think it is hard to compare all of these sites, because they are used for different things. You can be just as authentic on Twitter and Instagram, but since they have completely different styles of posts, and for you, different audiences, it is complicated to say if it is more authentic than another. I think that there should be more examples as well connecting your statements to posts on each platform in order to back up the claims you are making. I think that you should narrow down what you are trying to say (how you have changed over time, which one you are most authentic on, who your audience is, etc.) in order to back up one of these claims more specifically and with more force. I think that because you are talking about so many at once, each paragraph is independent of the others, which makes sense, but it seems a little fragmented when you read it through. I think your writing is well-crafted, though, and your voice and points are definitely there. Over all, I really liked this post and think that there is a lot to work with here!

Your article does a great job of incorporating class readings, especially the idea of context collapse. I think you did a great job connecting the idea of context collapse to your own Facebook and Instagram accounts, as is it something that is very applicable to almost everyone on social media. In order to improve your article, I would suggest adding context to the pictures included. That way, readers are able to easily identify how the picture relates to your text. While I believe your writing is excellent throughout the piece, I think you could showcase your "voice" in a more casual way, as some parts of the article seem a bit formal. By doing so, you will be able to bring your piece to life. Your conclusion really tied your words together and left me thinking about the implications of each social media platform. Great work! -- Samara Gould

Corina

Great work, Jamie!

For revision, your colleagues’ comments above are spot on. Please consider them fully.

Best,

Corina