Talk:Apple Watch
The article is somewhere in the range of 600-650 words, whereas it should be in the range of 2900-3100 words.
The structure of the article seems to be lacking a leading opening paragraph. The writer has just mentioned one line on what an Apple Watch is. I feel the writer can improve this by providing more detail on an Apple Watch - its common functionalities, ethical issues associated with it, a brief history of when it was made, and how to operate it in general. I feel these components could make a strong leading paragraph that summarizes the product as well as the ethical issues associated with it. The writer has divided the body of the article into various sections. I would recommend the title under which the various kinds of Apple Watches have been described to be named “Models” instead of “History”. “History” might make the reader think more about the history of the development and release of the Apple Watch. Also, I would recommend adding more features under the “Apple Watch Features” section, which would make the article more holistic, well-rounded, and informative. Some of the common features include health-oriented features, communication features, integration with iPhones, among others. This link is helpful for the health-oriented features of an Apple Watch - https://support.apple.com/en-gb/guide/watch/apd0d5d452ce/watchos. Some other sources which might be helpful are -: https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4842-1338-4_1 https://www.theseus.fi/bitstream/handle/10024/147350/Gusgard_Thesis.pdf?sequence=1 Additionally, most of the sentences seem to be backed up by reliable sources. But, there are some sections that seem to be lacking citations. For example, it would be helpful to add more citations and references in the “Apple Watch Series 1” and “Apple Watch Series 2” sections. Currently, the writer uses only 3-4 sources. I would recommend using more reliable sources to make the article more credible and get more related information.
This article does seem to be clear to me - I don’t quite understand the ethical issues at stake and why they are important to us. Currently, the writer has just mentioned the ethical considerations and essentially described the title. For example, in the “Privacy and Data Gathering” section, the writer has just mentioned that the device can collect sensitive data from the users, but the writer has not mentioned how the Apple Watch is violating privacy concerns. Also, mentioning some of the privacy and data gathering issues that are Apple Watch specific would be helpful. More information It seems to be the same case with the other sections under “Ethical Considerations” as well. These are some articles that might be helpful to research more about the ethical issues with wearable technologies including the Apple Watch -: https://www.theverge.com/2021/7/27/22594178/apple-watch-data-research-heart-rate-reliability, https://research.tees.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/9950502/Smart_wearables_accepted.pdf
Yes, the article is following a neutral point of view. The author is not stating personal opinions and the language used also does not suggest the same. Having more references and citations would be helpful as there are very few sources right now. Currently, I feel the article is lacking a descriptive aspect, and the ethical issues mentioned are very surface level and not detailed. So, describing some actual controversies and the ethical issues mentioned in more detail would improve the article.
Another thing I noticed was that in the “Fitness Tracking” section you have mentioned that the visualization is “above”, but it seems to be on the side, which might mislead the reader. Some pictures of the different models of Apple watches would be nice to have. Also, in https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apple_Watch#Development, the column on the right with the “Apple Watch” and its developer, manufacturers, etc is something that could elevate your article. Additionally, in my opinion, the different models are described technically. They are also not written in proper sentences and this is an area the writer could improve on. The writer could also mention the improvements of each version as compared to the previous version of watches, which would make it more informative and descriptive.
Hope this was helpful, Good Luck!
